Posted this up on my blog at phat32(dot)com ([link])

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Today marks the 2-year anniversary of my little brother, Zack's, death. The second year has been a lot easier than the first, but that's also akin to climbing Mt. Everest, fighting a month-long, 2-mile ascent through treacherous terrain, half of your team dying, you losing a leg yourself, only to reach camp and be told, "Good job team, first part down. The next part isn't nearly as long, it's 100ft shorter." Haha. Seriously though - time heals. You come to greater levels of acceptance and understanding of the world and all of its tragedies. Pain, suffering, loss... they're all a part of life, this perfect life and world we live in, one that we all share. The good, the bad - it's all there, always, all the time. Bad comes with good, but more importantly good comes with bad - always. There is a balance in the world that exists, and in the toughest times, the best thing you can do is find that balance, YOUR balance - harness it, and it will help you accept the bad. Heck, it may even give you a new perspective on life - one where good and bad don't really exist ([link]) - everything simply is. This is about acceptance. I accept my brother's death. As hard as it may be sometimes, as much as I miss him, and want to hold him in my arms for one last time, I can't. And that's OK, because any other way wouldn't be real, it wouldn't be this beautiful and magical life that we all live, one that I was blessed so greatly to have shared with such a beautiful and magnificent little boy named Zack. Even if only for a short while. Things come and go in our lives, you never know how long something will last, but that doesn't matter. Time is an illusion, we have no pre-determined or scheduled lifespan expiration date. Live in the moment. Love in the moment. Open your heart to all that is around you, for this moment is all you have. Put all of your soul and self into the energy that is living right now, and accept the fact that things are constantly changing, transforming, coming, going and never stopping... and this is something we cannot change, as much as we would like to. It is like a train going by in front of us with all sorts of different cars, and it never stops - yet we can hop on and off at any point. You can stand idly by in life, as the train goes by, never putting yourself out there at all. Or you can jump on! It's a fun ride Sometimes you'll get the wrong car, and that's OK. Hop off, find your balance and give it another shot. Live presently. Spend your time in this life on the car you want, but accept the fact that the ride will not last forever. The car may get full, or you may find another car that interests you - or the car might break down and die, stopping forever. Regardless, when your journey with that car comes to an end, you will be grateful for the time you have spent, accepting that everything changes, and you enjoyed the ride while it lasted. And when you've stepped off, found your balance and realized it's time to move on, you can step back on to the train and carry those memories on into the next car of life.

I am so thankful to have been blessed by my little brother's life. I am who I am, and the world is as it is because of him - because of everything in this life - and I wouldn't have it any other way. Today, I remember our train ride together little buddy. May you rest in peace my sweet brother, my eternal friend and companion, my angel. Forever and always in my heart.

♥
-michael

PS - For anyone that may have missed it, here is something I wrote on Zack's Birthday ([link]) earlier this year, complete with pictures and words and stuff for the looking with your eye-holes. And if you've seen the tattoo on my arm ([link]) (you can see it from OUTER SPACE!!), it is a tribute to my brother called, "Zack's Lizard." Here is the story behind the tatoo ([link]